The Boyfriend Material

This specimen can be spotted everywhere. You keenly follow the traffic on the road, preferably on a weekend – observe every two wheeler moving around. The one passing off as a makeshift driver of the cleanest looking bike is precisely what we narrow in on. More often than not, he has a pillion – this one a ‘she’. If there isn’t any, there will be one soon, just a matter of time, sometimes days, sometimes hours. He, is our specimen under the lens – the boyfriend species.

He usually leads a normal human life. Stays with a bunch of no-gooders passing for roomies – one of these roomies usually has a bike, a public property. His day starts usually at 8am – with a firm pound on his back.
“Abey, uth. Office nahi jana kya?” (Get up, get ready for office)
“Ruk na yar, kya jaldi hai” (Wait dude, what’s the hurry)
20 min into his blissful sleep he receives a call…
“bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
“Hey dear, ya… gimme 20 min.. I’ll get ready”.
A firm pounding a kicking wouldn’t do, a call does the trick. Priorities, ladies and gentlemen, are thus made clear.

He usually ferrets around the newspaper ads trying to scavenge for the the lowest call rates. One shouldn’t be surprised to find him clasping two mobiles – a GSM to interact with the mortal world, the other – a Reliance, whose number is a closely guarded secret. One could accuse Anil Ambani of keeping the nation awake till late hours, having said that one shouldn’t discredit him of connecting hearts. Reliance na hoti, to kya hota. The low call rates serve its purpose in gold, every evening – sometime past 10. The first missed call kickstarts this travesty. The second one serves as a reminder. The third missed call serves as a warning – a fourth usually spells doom (one doesn’t wait until this happens). Three missed calls usually serve as a stimulus – the response sometimes goes thus –
“Abey, she’s calling. Tell her I am not at home, gone out, forgot mobile at home”….
Usually, this isn’t the case – drunk or not.
Three warning bells rung, our hero gets into action. He leaves the august company of his honorable roommates and settles down in balcony, legs on the parapet, hand over the head, mind running through the cover drive that just fetched Sachin his century, mobile placed next to the ear, eyes firmly fixed on the ladies apartment next door.

Weekends sometimes start early – specially when you stay along the east coast. Friday nights, days when the roomies are most likely to be found immersed – nay floating in bottles of various sizes – all holding various combinations of ethyl alcohol, he explodes – “Dudes, I’ve got to get up early tomorrow. 5 o clock”.
“What the f***?”
“Errr.. we’ve planned to see the sunrise tomorrow.”
Roomies encourage him of course… “very good very good.. ja.. sunrise dekh le..”
Next morning, rather, a half hour prior to morning, he wakes up, starts the bike and drives to pick her up. They drive to the beach and settle themselves facing east – the bliss of waiting, with one hand gently placed around her shoulder, stroking her arm… the sheer pleasure of pleasant love – all broken by the sight of a few familiar faces jogging up and down the same sands. Whatever made his honorable roommates, all 4 of them, so health conscious that they all started jogging on this precise day, at this precise moment, at this precise place – must be a sheer coincidence. Anyway, the bliss is gone, the arm is off the shoulder and the sun is on the horizon already. So much for a romantic sunrise.

He is remarkably accomplished in history.
“When did you first meet her?”
“July 9”
“First movie you guys watched together”
“A Walk to Remember”. Baahhh!
“Longest duration you didn’t talk to her?”
“5 days, 14 hours”
“First time you kissed her?”
“Jan 1”, blushing this time.
“When’s my birthday?”
“Hmmmmm… Mar3? Na… Nov 15… na wait, thats Abhi’s, yours is…….”
“Ok, when’s Abhi leaving town?”
“Oye, Abhi is leaving town? Abey, uska kaunsa interview clear hua be?”, seriously puzzled this time.

Phenomenally accomplished in cuisine, rather the cuisine vendors. He walks in one fine night…
“Dudes, we have some food at home?”
“Haan… 2 roti. But what the heck? You went for a dinner right?”
“Abey, she says I am growing fat… shouldn’t eat much… abey u tell me.. just one dessert man.. thats it… problem hai dude”.
“Then diet na, what’s stopping you?”.
“Abey, bhook lagi hai… I’m awfullly hungry dude…what the heck”
Dinner done… some glucose back in the blood.
“Oye guys, you knew that food in Boulevard des Poulets is simply amazing. Their nonetteses de pulet Agnes Sorel is simply amazing.”
“Eh what?”
“Abey, continental hai… you wont understand.”
“Oh.. continental. Cost?”
“Zyada nahi be.. 500 for two.”
“Oh.. who paid?”
Some questions don’t warrant a vocal answer, a sheepish grin suffices.

Remarkably knowledgeable in local bargains. Knows practically every outlet in town offering a discount sale. Guard the doors of one of these malls for 3 consecutive weekends, you are bound to bump into him perusing through the large quantum of chaotically designed garments put up in show. 3 hours inside this, its time to hop over into the neighbouring store – with or without discount.

Identifying this species is, in Holmes’ own words – “Elementary, my dear Watson”. One male human species who doesn’t mind walking to workplace in a pair of shabby dirty trousers, shirt out of place and bike resembling something that’s been excavated from cross country racetrack, sometimes, takes extra care to dress really well, the jeans(2000 bucks) come out of the closet, t-shirt (700 bucks) and a fine looking jacket (inherited from elder brother the last time he went homewards), goggles (optional, borrowed from roomie), bike cleaned to sparkling perfection, Axe effect in place, if someone drives out one fine morning, we are sure he’s headed somewhere.

Inspired from a weird sight at a restaurant. Witnessed a gorgeous looking girl enter. She was followed by another female, followed by another, followed by the 4th. Behind them all walked the master himself.. the true boyfriend material. The guy who picked his girl and her friends first thing in the morning – and is going to pay their breakfast bill today.
I am accused of doling out only woes, never provide a solution. Solution is precisely what I provide now.
Thus spake, a really wise Srinivas:
“Never be spotted with more than 2 girls at a time. Further, never be spotted with the same girl more than 2 times”. 😉