Rebeccus Farcis

Rebeccus Farcis means "Have Fun", in err.. the yet to be discovered Martian.

Posts Tagged ‘humor

Learnings from 2 years of MBA

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This follows my earlier post Learnings from 1 year of MBA.

1. Grades were better in the first year. Engineering was competent. 10th and 12th were world class, and that’s how you ended up in this MBA in the first place.
2. Every third guy you bump into has a PPI/PPO.
3. You boast of your PPO proudly and realize that the girl you are flirting with has no clue what you are talking of.
4. You look at your friends messing around with a 99.7 %ile and the associated calls, and wonder what the fuss is all about. ‘College interviews eh? Placement interviews, my boy, placement interviews, take them, and you’ll know what the real thing is!’.
5. Somehow, every year, the economy keeps getting worse. Blame it on Greece or the UPA, market somehow never recovers, there never are any jobs anywhere the historic worst invariably coincides with the year you sit for placements.
6. One is very familiar with the geography, the topography, the history, the demographics (Russians, Americans, Israelis et al) of Goa.
7. Every alternate person you know has had a an exchange program with some very difficult to pronounce or remember European University, has travelled 19 countries. FB albums are proof enough.
8. The remaining folks, unfortunate enough to stay put in college tend to be reported flirting simultaneously with 2 French, 1 American (the exchange ones) and 4 Indian girls (the other college ones you met at some college fest) that season. During the same period you were surfing the French beaches, stuck on a long distance AT&T India specific monthly plan with your 1 Indian girl.
9. A Facebook survey would indicate that half your seniors’ profiles reflects ‘Married’, ‘Engaged’, ‘In a relationship’. Worryingly, you realize you are a senior too.
10. Some time in the early first year, you could come across a few teetotaller vegetarians in the campus. You now realize that a sizeable chunk of the world subscribes to the antipodean values.
11. Everyone is a consultant. You now add  ‘consultant’ to ‘strategic’ as the most abused word.
12. Your laptop had a power backup of 5 hours. It now serves you a royal 15 min. Of course, you’ve got no intention of changing the battery. Three months into the future, your employer will give you a laptop, why bother paying for this.
13. The mess invariably serves the crappiest food this world has seen. It was a tad better in the first year.
14. You are now familiar with every waiter in every restaurant in a radius of 10km. Beyond this boundary, the familiarity is limited to the manager.
15. You weighed 10kg lesser when you joined the college. You only wonder where it all went wrong.

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Written by Srinivas

February 14, 2012 at 4:42 am

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Eyes Pice Wise

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Evolution, as is said (as claimed by the Darwinian scientological theories), started with the jellyfish and ended with neanderthals. Then on, its been an gradual operational degradation of the human mind wherein the son, of all sorts and breeds tends to be no smarter than the father (OK, the mother too). And somewhere in this remarkably slow process of evolution, a small part of the race that considers itself rather superior to the others slowly came around to realize that the evolved eyes weren’t precise enough at times and they needed an extraneous accessory to support the same.

Eyes – the same window through which most land animals visualize the world are a gift of the creator; a marvel in themselves. A kind of low maintenance marvel that one tends to associate with devices only in the days of Yezdi bikes. Progressively in the process of evolution, when the brains of general human beings got sharper and their senses shoddy, the precision with which the retina could focus on pictures (mostly of the female gender) at a distance greater than 100m a trifle too difficult to perceive. The biggest difficulty arose in such situations where one tended to seriously throw such glances at the girl seated 3 rows away that would make His Father’s Highness Siddhartha Mallya twitch in his dad’s money’s royal bed, only to realize that she’s the ugliest looking female in the entire 3km radius surrounding this precise point on earth; that’s when scientifically bent minds tend to commence that tough march towards an opthalmologist’s.

Opthalmologists are, by and large, of two categories:
1. The ones that wear pyrex glasses over their eyes so that THEY too can see things properly
2. The ones that don’t, are female and tend to look rather hot, as the general parlance goes.

Luckily, one comes across the second category of medical practitioners frequently in Mumbai – as luck would have it, there tends to be one in the neighborhood too. One walks into such a studio and is greeted warmly by the equally hot looking secretary wishing one a very warm welcome and extending a greeting one wouldn’t have encountered for the past 24 years:
“Sir, please be seated sir! Sir, can I order a coke for you sir.”
Under normal conditions, one tends to indulge oneself in the welcome meted out. But, considering this is a doctors’ and the socially accepted norms of a doctor’s don’t generally subscribe to the thought of such ‘hotelish’ hospitality, one tends to wonder.
“No thanks.”
The hot looking girl aforementioned then tends to offer one with such books of quality that one wouldn’t find inside Oxford’s University’s library – Filmfare and Stardust abound the pretty well maintained shed for a clinic. The smile on that PYT tends to remain.
“Sir, actually….”
“Yeah…”, gulping down a tiny quantity of saliva down the throat…
“Sir, madam is getting a little late today. So she’s asked me to hold up the customers for a while.. So if you can wait for the next two hours…”
“Oh of course… But you see… well.. I mean..”
“Sir, she’ll be here by 8 o clock”
“Oh brilliant. I’ll be here at 8 myself too.”

So started the march, march#2 this time.

A small board was hung before a tin shed – “Daruwala Eye Clinic. Dr.Shahzad Daruwala, MBBS, MD (Opthalmology).” Weighing the prospects of a blast of monsoon awaited from somewhere along the southeastern coast and filling the remains of this road with filth and water, sometimes knee deep, and the prospect of having to walk in the same water with water over the head and below the feet, one tends to walk in into Daruwala clinic. Royally seated in a chair manufacture date of which wouldn’t be any time after the day India found its independence was THE man Himself, Dr.Shahzad Daruwala.

Adored over his mighty frame of a ping-pong ball sized head was a red frame for glasses, the style once made famous by the then style icon (now retired style icon) Romesh Powar. Poring through this glasses he asks one to read some random sets of alphabets placed at a distance, one reads it. He asks one to read one set smaller than that, one reads that too. He twists one’s head in random directions and orders one to repeat the same (one tends to salivate at the prospect getting this activity done by that fine lady for a doc). After numerous iterations of the same order, Dr.Daruwala concludes
“Beta, there’s only a very small problem with your eyesight. Only your axial vision is a little skewed. I’ll prescribe you spectacles. Wear them for a year, we’ll see after that.”
One tends to obey a doc generally.
“Ok doctor.”
“Ok beta, 200Rs.”
“Thank you doctor”
“Good bye beta.”

Thus, one tends to walk out of a opthalmic surgeon’s desk with a small prescription in hand – the next phase of evolution I call it – the accessory that one wears over the eyes. Someone tells there is a fine technology of contact lenses doing rounds – that’s the next phase of evolution.

—o0o—

Disclaimer: All characters in this article are fictitious.

Written by Srinivas

August 2, 2010 at 8:42 pm

Posted in Fun

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The Boyfriend Material

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This specimen can be spotted everywhere. You keenly follow the traffic on the road, preferably on a weekend – observe every two wheeler moving around. The one passing off as a makeshift driver of the cleanest looking bike is precisely what we narrow in on. More often than not, he has a pillion – this one a ‘she’. If there isn’t any, there will be one soon, just a matter of time, sometimes days, sometimes hours. He, is our specimen under the lens – the boyfriend species.

He usually leads a normal human life. Stays with a bunch of no-gooders passing for roomies – one of these roomies usually has a bike, a public property. His day starts usually at 8am – with a firm pound on his back.
“Abey, uth. Office nahi jana kya?” (Get up, get ready for office)
“Ruk na yar, kya jaldi hai” (Wait dude, what’s the hurry)
20 min into his blissful sleep he receives a call…
“bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”
“Hey dear, ya… gimme 20 min.. I’ll get ready”.
A firm pounding a kicking wouldn’t do, a call does the trick. Priorities, ladies and gentlemen, are thus made clear.

He usually ferrets around the newspaper ads trying to scavenge for the the lowest call rates. One shouldn’t be surprised to find him clasping two mobiles – a GSM to interact with the mortal world, the other – a Reliance, whose number is a closely guarded secret. One could accuse Anil Ambani of keeping the nation awake till late hours, having said that one shouldn’t discredit him of connecting hearts. Reliance na hoti, to kya hota. The low call rates serve its purpose in gold, every evening – sometime past 10. The first missed call kickstarts this travesty. The second one serves as a reminder. The third missed call serves as a warning – a fourth usually spells doom (one doesn’t wait until this happens). Three missed calls usually serve as a stimulus – the response sometimes goes thus –
“Abey, she’s calling. Tell her I am not at home, gone out, forgot mobile at home”….
Usually, this isn’t the case – drunk or not.
Three warning bells rung, our hero gets into action. He leaves the august company of his honorable roommates and settles down in balcony, legs on the parapet, hand over the head, mind running through the cover drive that just fetched Sachin his century, mobile placed next to the ear, eyes firmly fixed on the ladies apartment next door.

Weekends sometimes start early – specially when you stay along the east coast. Friday nights, days when the roomies are most likely to be found immersed – nay floating in bottles of various sizes – all holding various combinations of ethyl alcohol, he explodes – “Dudes, I’ve got to get up early tomorrow. 5 o clock”.
“What the f***?”
“Errr.. we’ve planned to see the sunrise tomorrow.”
Roomies encourage him of course… “very good very good.. ja.. sunrise dekh le..”
Next morning, rather, a half hour prior to morning, he wakes up, starts the bike and drives to pick her up. They drive to the beach and settle themselves facing east – the bliss of waiting, with one hand gently placed around her shoulder, stroking her arm… the sheer pleasure of pleasant love – all broken by the sight of a few familiar faces jogging up and down the same sands. Whatever made his honorable roommates, all 4 of them, so health conscious that they all started jogging on this precise day, at this precise moment, at this precise place – must be a sheer coincidence. Anyway, the bliss is gone, the arm is off the shoulder and the sun is on the horizon already. So much for a romantic sunrise.

He is remarkably accomplished in history.
“When did you first meet her?”
“July 9”
“First movie you guys watched together”
“A Walk to Remember”. Baahhh!
“Longest duration you didn’t talk to her?”
“5 days, 14 hours”
“First time you kissed her?”
“Jan 1”, blushing this time.
“When’s my birthday?”
“Hmmmmm… Mar3? Na… Nov 15… na wait, thats Abhi’s, yours is…….”
“Ok, when’s Abhi leaving town?”
“Oye, Abhi is leaving town? Abey, uska kaunsa interview clear hua be?”, seriously puzzled this time.

Phenomenally accomplished in cuisine, rather the cuisine vendors. He walks in one fine night…
“Dudes, we have some food at home?”
“Haan… 2 roti. But what the heck? You went for a dinner right?”
“Abey, she says I am growing fat… shouldn’t eat much… abey u tell me.. just one dessert man.. thats it… problem hai dude”.
“Then diet na, what’s stopping you?”.
“Abey, bhook lagi hai… I’m awfullly hungry dude…what the heck”
Dinner done… some glucose back in the blood.
“Oye guys, you knew that food in Boulevard des Poulets is simply amazing. Their nonetteses de pulet Agnes Sorel is simply amazing.”
“Eh what?”
“Abey, continental hai… you wont understand.”
“Oh.. continental. Cost?”
“Zyada nahi be.. 500 for two.”
“Oh.. who paid?”
Some questions don’t warrant a vocal answer, a sheepish grin suffices.

Remarkably knowledgeable in local bargains. Knows practically every outlet in town offering a discount sale. Guard the doors of one of these malls for 3 consecutive weekends, you are bound to bump into him perusing through the large quantum of chaotically designed garments put up in show. 3 hours inside this, its time to hop over into the neighbouring store – with or without discount.

Identifying this species is, in Holmes’ own words – “Elementary, my dear Watson”. One male human species who doesn’t mind walking to workplace in a pair of shabby dirty trousers, shirt out of place and bike resembling something that’s been excavated from cross country racetrack, sometimes, takes extra care to dress really well, the jeans(2000 bucks) come out of the closet, t-shirt (700 bucks) and a fine looking jacket (inherited from elder brother the last time he went homewards), goggles (optional, borrowed from roomie), bike cleaned to sparkling perfection, Axe effect in place, if someone drives out one fine morning, we are sure he’s headed somewhere.

Inspired from a weird sight at a restaurant. Witnessed a gorgeous looking girl enter. She was followed by another female, followed by another, followed by the 4th. Behind them all walked the master himself.. the true boyfriend material. The guy who picked his girl and her friends first thing in the morning – and is going to pay their breakfast bill today.
I am accused of doling out only woes, never provide a solution. Solution is precisely what I provide now.
Thus spake, a really wise Srinivas:
“Never be spotted with more than 2 girls at a time. Further, never be spotted with the same girl more than 2 times”. 😉

Written by Srinivas

February 7, 2010 at 3:04 pm

Posted in Fun

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