Rebeccus Farcis

Rebeccus Farcis means "Have Fun", in err.. the yet to be discovered Martian.

Should. Have. Been. South Africa.

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Imagine. The Board of Control for Tennis in Switzerland (BCTS) convenes a hasty meeting. Two days later they send out an official invite to 3 gentlemen tennis professionals – Paragon Srichappalan, Suryadev Devvarman and Kim Il Sung. The letter reads:

Dear Gentlemen,

Greetings from BCTS!

As you are all aware, our God, His Royal Highness Sir Roger Robert Federer has decided to retire (finally!).

We intend to offer Him a gala valediction. Hence, we invite you to play  the ATP Nike-Gillette-Credit Suisse-Rolex Mens Open tournament from 3 Aug 2031 to 8 Aug 2031. Of course He will win the tournament. We have scheduled the tournament such that He bids his farewell the day He turns 50. May the Force be with Him.

In honour of His services to the Swiss Confederation, millions of poor kids around the world, the game of tennis, UNICEF and humanity in general, the Swiss Government proposes to award Him the Nobel Peace. On the same day, the Swiss Army will also award Him the Victorinox Cross, the highest gallantry award of the Swiss Confederation. 

The BCTS doesn’t expect you to survive 2 sets in any of the matches. Of course, it goes without saying that you will be paid a bomb to play this tournament. To top it all, the ball girls will his Ms. Myla Rose Federer and Ms. Charlene Riva Federer, His twin daughters.

To reiterate, you are invited to play this tournament. Please don’t consider yourself lambs for slaughter (although you are). We only wish to give Him a grand farewell. May the Force be with Him.

Yours’ lovingly,

N. Venkateshwaran (call me Venky mama)

Chairman – Switzerland Cements Incorporated, Board of Control for Tennis in Switzerland (BCTS)

The best swansongs are not scripted by the board. The best swansongs are written. By yourself. Sampras will be remembered as the man who last won the US Open; at home, against Agassi.  Steve Waugh will be remembered as the man who escorted Australia to safety against a Sachin 200 and a rampaging Kumble. Murali as the man who foxed a dreamlike Sehwag (and a clueless Ojha) to win it for Sri Lanka. Warne was the man who scripted a 5-0 Ashes win. McGrath the same. Gavaskar as the man who signed off with a magnum opus 96 on a minefield against Pakistan. And more. 

A failure in the last series makes a legend no less a legend. Don Bradman’s last innings made him no less a mortal. Rahul Dravid – Laxman  were no less mortals either after their Australian struggles.

Sachin’s last Test century was against a train wrecking Hulk, Dale Steyn. An innings of a different caliber; an innings of heavenly class. He can do that again. Thank God it still remains so. For a silly bigoted one-upmanship against a certain Haroon Lorgat, and all the arrogance associated with too much of ill-earned money, and some silly politics, Sachin Tendulkar was awarded a West Indies.  

74 against Steyn vs. 74 against Shane Shillingford. You choose!

I have nothing against Tendulkar. Nor Federer, for that matter. Only sheer respect. But yes, I have unadulterated anger with the BCCI. For plenty of reasons, not this alone.

It should have been South Africa. It should have been South Africa. And in the middle of this hullabaloo over Tendulkar’s retirement, we somehow pardon Srinivasan. Too easily!


Written by Srinivas

November 17, 2013 at 6:23 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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